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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528567">Waiting for you to come home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysy/pseuds/Crysy'>Crysy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Together, forever. [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Kuroo's dead here, M/M, Mentioned Kuroo Tetsurou, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Tsukishima tries to be fine but he isn't</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:06:50</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25528567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crysy/pseuds/Crysy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>On some days, he wishes that he would disappear too, that death would claim him so he could reunite with the one who left too soon.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Together, forever. [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1830193</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Waiting for you to come home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I wanted to write some light angst this time but my friend (We'll call her Ms Cadodoooo) was like "Dying from old age is boring" even though she cried reading my previous fic, so of course I have to satisfy Ms Cadodoooo's needs with more angst. So yeah, trigger warning for any survivors of car accidents or anyone who's uncomfortable with car accident stuff I'll leave a "#" so you can skip that part yeah. Or you can skip this fic of course. Leave comments to help me improve my writing :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The moment he walked into the apartment, he knew. The air felt too cold, too <em>dead</em> to be welcoming. There was no sound, which would normally mean a peaceful evening to start on a book, or to binge watch a show with Tetsurou.</p><p>But this wasn’t normal.</p><p>Normal would be the <em>last</em> word he’d use in this situation. With loud footsteps that echoed in the harrowing silence, Tsukishima made his way into the bedroom, praying that he would walk in to Tetsurou sleeping, or playing games on his phone.</p><hr/><p>Tsukishima wasn’t sure how much time had passed.</p><p>All he was aware of was the cold, lingering touch that he forced himself to hold onto, despite his mind screeching at him, begging him to search for a source of warmth. There was no sign of life. Only Tsukishima and Tetsurou’s body.</p><p>
  <em>Stop deluding yourself, he won’t come back no matter how much you hug him. Let go. Do what he would’ve wanted you to do.</em>
</p><p>But despite the attempts to snap out of it, Tsukishima found himself grasping to any false hope that lay deep in his heart. Unwilling to let go of Tetsurou’s dead body, limp and devoid of any sign that he was alive.</p><p>It went on until Akaashi broke into the room, yanking Tsukishima off the bed. Tsukishima could hear his own screams and pleas, but couldn’t feel himself actually do it. Couldn’t feel Bokuto holding him back from running to Tetsurou. Couldn’t feel his body fighting back Bokuto, desperately wanting to feel Tetsurou again, even if he could only feel the bitter cold biting him back.</p><p>And then it went dark.</p><hr/><p>The next time Tsukishima was conscious, emptiness was all that surrounded him. He could hear a distant beeping sound, soft chatters of other people, and felt the disgusting smell of disinfectant intruding his nose. He could feel his body weighing down on a bed, a blanket draped over him to keep him warm (would that work on Tetsurou too?). He could see the dim pool of light in the room, but closed his eyes in a futile attempt to escape the living world. The feeling of emptiness – how he could still feel was a mystery he didn’t want to solve – drowned out his five senses, leaving only the morbid sense of guilt and shame.</p><p>
  <em>Why did Tetsurou leave me all alone? Did he feel happy when he committed suicide? How long was he contemplating about it? Why didn’t I help him? Why didn’t I do more? Why am I so selfish? It’s always about me. Now he’s dead, and I’m still alive. I don’t fucking deserve this. I should just die. I want to die.</em>
</p><p>“Tsukki, Tsukki wake up.” The gentle shaking coerced him into opening his eyes. It was Akaashi and Bokuto. Staring at him with genuine concern reflecting in their eyes.</p><p>
  <em>They should save the concern for Tetsurou. I’m sure he would appreciate it. Unlike me.</em>
</p><p>“Are you okay? You’ve been asleep for a while. Do you want some water?” Was that Akaashi speaking? He couldn’t tell.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m okay. Water would be nice.”</p><p>
  <em>No, I’m not okay. My fucking lover just died, I’ve been abandoned, I don’t know what to do now and the thought of joining him keeps circling around my mind. But I don’t want to say it because I don’t want to be a burden on you. I know you’ve been trying to come to terms with it too, I can’t just let out all my feelings on you two. That would be selfish-</em>
</p><p>“No it’s not.” Tsukishima jumped at Bokuto’s words.</p><p>“D-Did I say that out loud?”</p><p>“Yeah. You’re not a burden to us Tsukki. We’re all trying to get over Kuroo’s death, and sometimes having someone to listen to your troubles can help. It’s not selfish at all. In fact, it’d be weird if you didn’t feel anything at all, considering that you two were in love and all. Even I’m still trying to accept that I won’t be able to joke around with him anymore, I’m fairly certain that I’ll still call out “Kubro!” and realise that he’s gone and there’ll be no one to fool around with anymore. But we have to move on, so let everything out and be confident enough to carry on with your life while holding onto the memories you’ve had with him. We’re here to support you too.”</p><p>Bokuto’s impromptu speech was shocking, to say the least. Tsukishima had only seen Bokuto as an overly enthusiastic owl who’d never stop being cheerful, even in the wee hours of the night. But the very same person had just made Tsukishima feel like he had the right to mourn over Tetsurou. Made him feel like he deserved to feel sad. Made him feel like he didn’t have to be guilty for indirectly causing Tetsurou’s death.</p><p>Tetsurou’s death. The thought itself sent shivers down his spine. Tetsurou was dead. He was dead and there’s no bringing him back. It scared him. It scared him so much.</p><p>
  <em>I’ll have to wake up everyday in no one’s embrace. I’ll have to get through the day without any messages from him. I’ll have to celebrate birthdays and festivals all alone. He’s not here. He’s not here and it’s horrifying. I don’t know what to do anymore.</em>
</p><p>In that moment, Tsukishima remembered that ever since Tetsurou left, he hadn’t cried. Not a single tear formed in his eyes. The air felt suffocating, as if someone was trying to strangle him right there and then. How could he have been so heartless? Not even crying when the love of his life was taken away from him.</p><p>“I-I’m scared.”</p><p>The silence pierced through the room, leaving Tsukishima breathless. Silence had never been so intimidating before, but now it seemed like his biggest nightmare.</p><p>“Tetsu, he’s gone. And I’m not crying. I can’t seem to even shed a tear right now, no matter how hard I try. And that’s what scares me the most. It’s as if I don’t feel anything, only numbness. I wish I could cry right now. I’d feel way better if I did and I definitely wouldn’t be feeling like a piece of shit for failing to show even a bit of sadness.” Tsukishima continued, ranting and ranting, hoping that Bokuto and Akaashi would say something.</p><p>When Tsukishima was done, he was enveloped in a hug from both of them. It made him think that maybe he could get over this. That maybe, just maybe, he could go on living just a little while longer.</p><hr/><p>A week passed.</p><p>Tsukishima couldn’t remember getting past a day without puking one of his meals out. It had been absolute hell getting past that week, even though he was excused from school for two weeks.</p><p>There was a funeral held for Tetsurou, which he skipped on. He just couldn’t bear to see Tetsurou in a casket, donned in a nice white suit like Akaashi had told him. Tsukishima would’ve probably killed himself right there and then if he did, giving in to the temptation to find Tetsurou after death. But even more than that, hearing Tetsurou’s distant relatives murmur empty condolences while bearing insulting thoughts about a teenager who committed suicide angered him, made him feel like he was in a blazing inferno that would swallow him whole. Who were they to judge what Tetsurou did and why he did it? Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he would’ve been able to refrain from stabbing someone at Tetsurou’s funeral if he attended, so he stayed home, sending a silent apology to Tetsurou, wherever he was now.</p><p>Tsukishima would lie in bed for hours on end, skipping meals with his mind showing its support. <em>I’m going to puke it out anyways, no point wasting any food on myself.</em> Any motivation to do even the simplest of actions would be lost in a matter of seconds, time just seemed to move faster than him and just existing was getting exhausting.</p><p>Akaashi would come over everyday, taking care of Tsukishima which made him feel even more guilty. He would be forced to take showers, eat light meals, watch television or check his phone (which he hated the most, always receiving messages that were filled with pity messages that he knew were sent for the sake of preserving dignity and nothing more).</p><hr/><p>It was a Wednesday when Tsukishima saw a jewellery box and a letter on his study table. <em>Fuck</em>, was the first thought that came to his mind. How did he forget? Tetsurou was clutching onto the same jewellery box and letter that was currently resting on the study table. Tsukishima never thought that tears would be able to pool in his eyes ever again, but the moment he saw his name written on the letter, he felt an unfamiliar sting followed by tears gathering in his eyes.</p><p>One drop.</p><p>Two drops.</p><p>Tears were now freely falling down Tsukishima’s pale face. But Tsukishima would never allow himself to sob. Sobbing was equivalent to allowing himself to bask in self-pity. Which was unacceptable, on all accounts. He didn’t deserve to wallow in the mercy of forgiveness, and certainly didn’t deserve to kneel on the floor of his apartment and sob.</p><p>Tsukishima braced himself and walked towards his gift, which now felt like his lifeline, his only connection to Tetsurou. His steps felt limp and heavy, knocking him down easily and refusing to let him get nearer to the jewellery box that lay on the table. But he managed to drag his unwilling legs to the study table somehow (it still took a while for him, and his mind was not helping either, taunting him about how weak he was).</p><p>Hands that were once used to cling on to any life from Tetsurou, were now shivering, nervous to open the jewellery box (which was ridiculous). Tsukishima closed his eyes and took the cover off. He opened his eyes and the gift that was before him brought a second wave of fresh tears that now fell uncontrollably.</p><p>It was beautiful.</p><p>A silver necklace with a pendant (that he assumed was custom made, it couldn’t have been coincidence). A black cat with narrowed, hazel coloured eyes was grinning and hugging a cute crow that had the same blond hair as Tsukishima and wore little spectacles.</p><p>Tsukishima was now on the ground, and he could care less about whether he had the right to sob, he didn’t care if he had the right. He was clutching onto the necklace for dear life, breaking down in his – their – bedroom because that was all he could now. He could only mourn for Tetsurou because no matter what he did, Tetsurou would never come back to him.</p><p>Tetsurou was dead. And the only evidence that he was ever alive was the necklace Tsukishima clutched onto, the letter that was left unread for some time, their messy apartment filled with cute plushies Tetsurou insisted was <em>“ADORABLE!! We HAVE to keep them, c’mon Kei please!!”</em>, and the memories they made, details slowly fading from Tsukishima’s mind no matter how much he tried to keep them alive.</p><p>And after reading the letter Tetsurou left for him, Tsukishima mourned. Because that was all he could do. Because after that, he was going to try. Try to live for Tetsurou. Instead of moping around all day aimlessly, he was going to live his life to the fullest. It was the least he could do for Tetsurou.</p><p>For the first time since Tetsurou’s death, Tsukishima smiled.</p><hr/><p># <strong>TRIGGER WARNING</strong></p><p>In a random bar somewhere in Tokyo, a typical office worker sits in the corner, downing drink after drink and immersed himself in the presence of alcohol to escape his boring work life during the day. He drinks and drinks, until he barely recognizes that he is in his car, any words he tried to form would end up incoherent.</p><p>He doesn’t notice when he’s driving on an empty road, going left and right, <em>left and right</em>. The constant swerving doesn’t seem to wake him up from his drunken state, instead serving as a silent encouragement for him to step on the accelerator.</p><p>He doesn’t notice when a certain blonde teenager steps out on the road, on the way to the nearby convenience store. He only notices the sudden slam into something, <em>someone.</em> And it jolts him awake.</p><p>The office worker, in his half-conscious state, rushes out of his car to witness the gore scene of the teenager laying on the road. His blood colouring the ground a dark red, spreading everywhere all too fast, eyes going dull and losing its light fast, <em>too fast.</em></p><p>A nearby onlooker quickly dials for an ambulance after coming out from her state of momentary shock. She runs over, trying to help in whatever way possible, but her mind tells her <em>it’s too late.</em> Still, she tries. Because to see a person lose their life at such a young age – especially in a horrific accident – is heartbreaking.</p><p>The ambulance arrives, and paramedics try their best to revive the blonde, all their efforts wasted on a futile attempt. Death had already claimed the soul of the innocent boy. They pronounce the poor soul dead. Brings his body to the morgue, finds that he isn’t in contact with any family members anymore, breaks the news to any close friends of the boy. A small funeral is held, upon request of the two friends named “Akaashi Keiji” and “Bokuto Koutarou”, who were both distraught but handled the news well.</p><p>And thus, the life of Tsukishima Kei came to an abrupt full stop.</p><hr/><p>He could only remember the metallic smell of blood, how difficult it suddenly became to even <em>breathe</em>, and the faint sound of an ambulance siren.</p><p>Everything else was a blur before his world went dark.</p><p>Now, he felt himself standing on pitch-black nothingness, his body surprisingly light after how heavy it was for him to even drag himself around all week. Calm, he felt calm. Despite going against gravity and practically floating when he was supposed to be falling right there and then, he didn’t feel any sign of panic coming to him anytime soon.</p><p>His mind had already fit the pieces together. His soul just didn’t feel alive anymore. Instead, it felt the same as the nothingness that surrounded him. Empty. Dead.</p><p>Tsukishima Kei was <em>dead.</em></p><p><em>The Afterlife doesn’t feel nice.</em> He chuckled, how was he so accepting of what just happened? Literally two hours ago, Tsukishima swore to himself to live for Tetsurou, and now he was dead. How ironic.</p><p>
  <em>If this is the Afterlife, can I meet Tetsurou? I want to meet him, would he be happy to see me? Oh, he might be angry since I died too soon. I hope he isn’t angry at me. That would be kind of sad, considering the fact that I’m already here and I might spent the rest of eternity with him. I’m kind of excited too though, it’s been so long-</em>
</p><p>“I can let you meet him.”</p><p>Tsukishima spun around quick, meeting a figure in a black cloak (well, he guessed it was black, Tsukishima could barely see him, and God <em>forbid</em> he was naked). And behind the figure was an image of Tetsurou walking around, clearly with no destination in mind. It nearly brought Tsukishima to tears, but was successfully suppressed. Then the figure spoke.</p><p>“Want to make a deal?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wanted to include Kuroo's letter but I thought writing just the first and last paragraph would be boring so I'll leave the imagining of the letter to you instead. And Ms Cadodoooo hope you cried reading this lmao next time I hope I can write some fluff but I'll be really bad at it. Hope you enjoyed this fic and leave some feedback yeah :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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